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Sunday, June 13, 2010

open book

I've been feeling tired and down lately.  I thought I was doing a much better job of hiding it, but I guess not.  My husband notices (but he always does).  My little guy can tell.  He made a big cheesy grin at me and told me to do that do I could be happy.  People have been sticking a little closer to me than usual, and asking me to call them if I need anything (not that they don't usually offer help, but I can tell they're worried).  I'm just a bit overwhelmed and I think I'm having trouble with this mostly sunless summer we're having so far.  I told my friend Eric that I've been crying at the drop of a hat lately, and he jokingly told me that it was because I'm a woman and we're all bat@$%t crazy.  I don't feel like this all the time, or all day, but it's more and more lately.  I'm usually good early in the day.  I'm plenty cheerful at work, or with friends, or out running errands, but when I get home it's like I've used up all my happy and I'm just tired and I have no emotion left on my face. 

So why am I posting this on a public blog forum?  I don't know.  I don't really care I guess.  I'm just so busy lately and my life feels complicated right now.  I think I'll get in the tub, read a book, and go to bed early tonight.  Then if I still don't feel better tomorrow, I'll go tanning.  (Don't laugh, the light helps.)

1 comment:

  1. I"m not sure where you live, but we have MAJOR problems with the lack of sun out here in Seattle.

    It affects people who aren't "affected" too - we are WAY less active and social during the winter months when it's done nothing but rain for months and it's dark when you go to work and dark when you go home. So I totally get the sun part.

    I also get the using up happy part. Realize your body only has so much energy and if you use it up, it'll pull from reserves (think battery) and if you use your battery too much without recharging it...it's going to die.

    I think as women, we are not very good at recognizing when we are tapping into the battery until our body starts shutting down...THEN it gets our attention!!

    I totally know this...I'm working full time and for 6 months, I was looking for a different job (always came in second), I am taking a year long certification (almost done), I run a dog rescue and have at least 3-6 foster dogs in addition to my own 4 dogs. I added my final class to prepare for a national exam...and it was too much and I crashed! For the last 4-6 weeks, I've essentially slept 24 hours out of every 2 day weekend.

    So find a way to regenerate your batteries and don't feel guilty about it...be impressed that it took so much to drain your batteries!!

    Amy in Seattle